We often feel or see the chemistry between people brewing. In the early stages of dating or a relationship, especially, one small movement from a match/partner is enough to start this metaphorical fire.
Chemistry is the spark that ignites romances and indicates deeper connections. It’s also that alluring element that keeps people coming back for more.
We like to toss around this word when talking about love, but how does chemistry ignite in the first place? How can you tell if you have it? Can you sustain this for the long-term? Get answers to these questions (and more) through this detailed discussion.
Defining Chemistry
In romance and attraction, chemistry refers to the strong mutual attraction or attachment between people that can happen as soon as their first meeting. It’s not a scientific term, but much scientific evidence has supported this feeling.
According to the Association for Psychological Science (APS), many think chemistry springs from expectations, attributes, and biases. In reality, it arises from repeated interactions.
“As the interaction cycle unfolds, partners will often develop a substantial level of behavioral synchrony (e.g., linguistic matching, nonverbal synchrony, voicing similar thoughts and ideas),” says APS Fellow Harry Reis.
This explains why many people struggle to predict their chemistry with online matches. Algorithms may bring two people together but don’t guarantee an endgame.
The Difference Between Chemistry and Compatibility
People often use compatibility and chemistry interchangeably. However, they’re different concepts.
Compatibility refers to the alignment of a couple’s values and lifestyles, focusing on their long-term potential. On the other hand, chemistry is the emotional connection between them.
Unfortunately, chemistry and compatibility don’t always come in a packaged deal. Just because two people have high compatibility doesn’t mean their chemistry is just as good. Conversely, great chemistry between people doesn’t always translate to equal compatibility levels.
What Causes Chemistry Between Two People?
Chemistry isn’t born out of thin air. There are various factors responsible for its rise. Let’s go over each one and see what role they play.
Hormones and neurotransmitters
There’s a science behind the sparks. When you’re with somebody you’re attracted to, your brain releases these neurotransmitters and hormones that influence your behavior and feelings:
Serotonin and endorphins
When you’re with somebody you have great chemistry with, you’ll feel relaxed and happy. Endorphins and serotonin calm you down and lift your mood, reducing stress and easing tension.
Dopamine
This “feel-good” hormone shows up when you feel pleasure or reward. This explains the euphoria you might feel when you’re with somebody you’re drawn to. It’s like being overcome by a jolt of energy.
Oxytocin
When you feel you and your person getting closer, that may be oxytocin doing its job. It’s also called the “bonding hormone” because it helps build closeness and trust. The brain releases it during physically intimate moments such as hand-holding and hugs.
Intangibles
Some things can’t be quantified by numbers and chemicals. These are some of those factors:
Attraction
Chemistry is a build-up, while attraction is the first thing that sets it off.
It starts when you see somebody attractive. Who can deny a pretty or handsome face? They turn heads for a reason.
But as cliché as it sounds, attraction goes beyond one’s looks.
Sometimes, faces aren’t the ones that draw people in. It’s how one carries themselves. Confidence is a great look on anyone, so there’s a reason this can help up your chances.
Mutual interest
Since the attraction is already there, the next logical step is to act on it. Your interest will show one way or another, so don’t beat around the bush and be upfront about it.
Unless mind games are in the mix, you can easily spot interest. You know something’s brewing when you don’t run out of things to talk about. You can’t wait to hear their takes and want them around for as long as possible.
Empathy and emotional evolution
There’s no building anything if you don’t understand the structure. The same logic goes for chemistry. You won’t have it if you fail to understand and relate to each other.
Empathy in a romantic context is deeper. If one is down, the other will feed sad for and along with them. But if they’re happy, the other will share that excitement.
The longer they sustain this empathy, the greater their emotional attunement. They’ll instinctively take or share their feelings, bringing them closer together.
Synchronization
You and your match/partner don’t have to act like robots and copy each other. Chemistry forms when you align with each other through actions. You complete each other’s sentences, know each other’s thoughts without saying it, pick up each other’s habits, and mirror body language.
Chemistry’s growth varies between people. There are cases where it’s already there from the beginning. But sometimes, it takes time to bloom. As with many things, there’s no need to rush its development.
Let things play out naturally; work your way towards organic progress. Allowing a woman’s interest to grow or letting a guy to warm up to things will be much better than forcing the issue.
Signs of Chemistry
Since chemistry is a mix of science and intangibles, it’s a uniquely powerful force. Here’s how you can tell this special air is hanging around you and your person:
#1: Eye contact
Of all the signs in this list, this one is, perhaps, the most obvious. The eyes can’t say anything, but they speak volumes nonetheless. Intense gazes communicate messages that words can’t.
#2: Nerves
Let’s say you talk to women without breaking a sweat. But when this specific lady comes around, butterflies suddenly invade your stomach. You feel nervous and exhilarated at the same time.
#3: Body language
While you need to learn nice things to say to a lady or gentleman, the body delivers messages that are just as impactful as words.
Two people who are attracted to each other tend to match each other’s body language. They both present open and welcoming energies, mirror each other’s movements, and find ways to get closer physically.
#4: Comfort
You’ll know chemistry is there when you and your person are at ease with each other. You don’t put up pretenses and are unapologetically yourselves in each other’s company. Time passes fast when you’re together, making hours feel like mere seconds.
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The chemistry between people is important. It’s what brings couples together, after all. But you can’t just bank on that and be complacent. If you want lasting love, do your part and show up.
Reference
Association for Psychological Science. 2021. “Chemistry Between People: A Sum of Their Connections.” Association for Psychological Science. https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/chemistry-relationships.