How can understanding the stages of grief help me heal after a breakup and move towards finding marriage again?

Understanding the five stages of grief – **denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance** – as outlined in this guide can provide a structured approach to healing after a breakup [1, 2]. By recognizing and navigating each of these emotional phases with healthy coping mechanisms, such as **acknowledging the reality of the situation, expressing your feelings, and focusing on personal growth**, you can process the loss and eventually reach a state of acceptance, which is a crucial step towards being emotionally ready for a new, fulfilling relationship like marriage [3-9].

What are some healthy ways for men to cope with anger and sadness after a divorce or the end of a significant relationship?

The article emphasizes that experiencing **anger and sadness** after a breakup is completely natural [10, 11]. Healthy ways to manage anger include **acknowledging your feelings without blaming your ex entirely**, especially in challenging circumstances such as breaking up over text, and finding constructive outlets like **journaling, exercising, or talking to a trusted friend** [4]. When dealing with sadness or depression, it's essential to **allow yourself to grieve, seek support from friends, family, or a therapist**, prioritize your physical well-being through nutritious meals, exercise, and sufficient sleep, and practice relaxation techniques [6].

How can I avoid getting stuck in denial or bargaining when reflecting on past relationships as I look for a future spouse?

The **denial stage** often involves disbelief and downplaying the breakup, while **bargaining** entails trying to reverse the situation [2, 12]. To move past these stages, it's important to **acknowledge the reality of the breakup**, even in small steps, and avoid dwelling on 'what-ifs' or clinging to false hope [3]. When you recognize yourself bargaining, try to identify the underlying emotions, such as fear or desperation, and **remember the reasons why the relationship ended** [5]. Focus on personal growth and learning from past experiences rather than trying to change solely to win an ex back [5].

What are the signs that I am in the acceptance stage of grief after a breakup and might be ready to pursue marriage with someone new?

The **acceptance stage** is not necessarily about being 'happy' or completely forgetting your ex, but rather about reaching a point of **understanding and integrating the experience into your life story** [7]. You've accepted the reality of the loss and can envision moving forward [7]. Signs of acceptance include a focus on **personal growth and well-being, setting new goals, reflecting on the relationship with gratitude for any positive aspects, and building a strong support system** [7, 8]. This indicates you are processing the past and are more likely ready for a healthy new relationship.

As a single, divorced, or widowed man in my 30s to 70s, why is it important to understand the grieving process of a breakup, even if it was a while ago?

Understanding the grieving process of a breakup, which includes stages like **denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance**, is crucial for long-term emotional well-being, regardless of how much time has passed since the relationship ended [1, 2]. Lingering unresolved emotions from past breakups can impact your ability to form healthy new relationships [13]. By acknowledging and processing these emotions, as this guide suggests through actionable strategies for each stage [3-6, 8], you can achieve a greater sense of closure and be more emotionally available and prepared for a serious commitment like marriage in the future [9, 14].

How to Handle a Breakup: A Guide on the Stages of Grief

A man carrying a backpack and standing on a wooden bridge in a forest

Figuring out how to handle a breakup is a process that must involve healthy coping mechanisms.

The floor suddenly collapses. The Earth tilts. Your chest aches with a sharp and intense pain. Nothing makes sense, and you don’t think anything is ever going to make sense again.

This is something many people have gone through at least once in their lives: the gut-wrenching realization that a relationship is over. It's a universal experience, a terrible rite of passage that leaves you feeling lost and alone.

But despite this emotional storm, there is a way forward. It's a journey, not a race, and it often winds through well-known, yet deeply personal, stages of grief.

This article is your guide and compassionate companion as you learn how to handle a breakup. It offers you understanding, practical advice, and a gentle reminder that healing is very much possible.

What Are the Emotional Stages of a Breakup?

Below is a list of the five stages of grief according to Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, along with actionable strategies to help you cope, heal, and eventually rebuild.

Consider it your recovery roadmap, a step-by-step guide to getting back on track.

1. Denial

The denial stage in the grieving process of a breakup is a powerful and often complex initial reaction. It is more than simply saying, "This is not happening"; it is a multifaceted defense mechanism.

Often, denial manifests as numbness or disbelief.

You might find yourself going through the motions of your day, downplaying the breakup and telling yourself it’s just a temporary rough patch or that your ex will change their mind.

Helpful Ways to Navigate Denial:

● Begin by acknowledging the reality of the situation, even if it’s only with small steps. For example, instead of allowing your partner to suffer further, start accepting that a breakup might just be the best course of action.

● Avoid dwelling on what-ifs or clinging to false hope. This will only prolong your healing process.

● Refrain from repressing your emotions. Talk to a friend or family member, or write about your feelings in a journal.

● It can also be helpful to establish boundaries for how you will communicate and what you expect of one another moving forward.

2. Anger

Anger is a completely natural emotion that is also frequently and intensely felt following a breakup. Depending on the circumstances, you may be angry at yourself, your ex, or the events that led to your breakup.

Anger also acts as a shield. It's easier to feel angry than to feel the raw vulnerability of sadness and hurt that comes with figuring out how to deal with a breakup. It gives you a sense of control when you feel like you have none.

Helpful Ways to Navigate Anger:

● Instead of blaming your ex for ending your relationship, acknowledge that breaking up is hard to do. Try to understand where they are coming from because having to make that decision must have hurt them too.

● In instances where your ex is breaking up over text, and the hurt, betrayal, or abandonment can easily morph into anger, acknowledge it as a reflection of who they are and not your value as a person.

● Don’t suppress your anger. It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s important to find healthy outlets for your emotions, such as journaling, exercising, or confiding in a trusted friend or therapist.

● Limit contact with your ex and set clear boundaries. This allows you to better manage your triggers rather than harboring feelings of irritability, frustration, rage, and outbursts.

3. Bargaining

The bargaining phase of grief following a breakup is when you usually try to negotiate your way out of the pain.

It’s a normal reaction to the sense of overwhelming loss, and it frequently entails what-ifs and frantic attempts to recover what has been lost.

In this phase, you may find yourself arguing with a higher power or yourself in an attempt to reverse the breakup or improve the situation. You are basically doing the opposite of learning how to handle a breakup.

Helpful Ways to Navigate Bargaining:

● Recognize the pattern of your regrets and the deals you’re trying to make. Then, acknowledge what emotions are driving you to bargain. Is it fear, guilt, or desperation?

● Remember the reasons behind the breakup. Focus on the reality of the situation.

● Don’t try to change for the sake of getting your ex back or making them realize what they’ve lost. Instead, do it for yourself.

● Research shows that only about 50% of couples reconcile after their breakup. With this, you must accept that reconciliation is a long and winding road that is not always possible. Remind yourself to learn from your mistakes.

A man in a gray shirt sulking on a wooden table

The grieving process of a breakup involves a wide range of emotions that can be difficult to handle without support.

4. Depression

The depression phase of grief after a breakup is not just about you “feeling down.” It’s a pervasive sadness that can be overwhelming and all-consuming.

Depression after a breakup can manifest as isolation and withdrawal from friends and family, a loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy, and other symptoms such as fatigue, appetite changes, and sleep disturbances.

Helpful Ways to Navigate Depression:

● Give yourself grace in feeling your sadness. It’s essential to allow yourself to grieve.

● Seek support from your friends, family members, or a therapist. It can be cathartic and helpful to express your emotions openly with people you trust.

● Make your physical health a priority. Eat nutritious meals, get regular exercise, and make sure you are getting enough sleep.

● Practice relaxation techniques like meditation. Don’t take on too much at once. Instead, focus on small, attainable goals.

5. Acceptance

Being "happy" or "over it" is not what the acceptance phase of grief is all about. It is more about reaching a point of understanding and integration, where you have accepted the reality of your loss and can move forward.

You may never completely forget your ex or the relationship, but you can learn to live again by incorporating your experience into your life story and moving forward with clarity.

Helpful Ways to Navigate Acceptance:

● Acceptance takes time. Be patient, and allow things to unfold naturally.

● Invest in your personal growth and well-being. Create new goals for yourself and actively work toward them.

● Take time to reflect on the relationship and what you learned from it. Practice gratitude and concentrate on the good things the relationship has brought you.

● Build a strong support system. Spend quality time with your family and friends, and surround yourself with supportive people.

Grief over the end of a relationship, like any of its kind, is not a linear experience with a fixed path or destination.

This means that the journey through grief — from loss to integration — is fraught with ups and downs, as well as plenty of surprises along the way.

Learning how to handle a breakup is never easy, but understanding the stages of grief can provide you with a roadmap through your emotional turmoil.

Your healing is a personal journey: from the initial shock of denial to the raw pain of anger and bargaining, the deep sadness of depression, and finally, the gradual acceptance.

The path to healing is waiting for you, and with time, you will find yourself embarking on a new chapter filled with love and the promise of a better future.

Reference:

Hong, H. (2018). This Is the Scientific Reason Why Couples Get Back Together After a Breakup. Reader’s Digest. https://www.readersdigest.ca/health/relationships/couples-back-together-breakup/

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