Have you ever made a connection online with someone sharing tales of service and bravery? Did an attractive uniformed personnel pique your interest with their reassuring voice and messages brimming with admiration and longing?
Be careful.
Behind compelling profiles and beautiful words, a terrible deception might be lurking. In an age where digital romance is possible, you are also in danger of falling victim to a military romance scam.
Operators of this type of fraud prey on kindness and vulnerability, spinning a sophisticated web of lies that can cause devastating emotional and financial losses.
According to Carol Kando-Pineda, counsel for the Federal Trade Commission’s (FTC) Division of Consumer and Business Education, these scammers can come from any age or gender and may approach you on dating sites or social media platforms. In fact, the FTC received nearly 70,000 reports of romance scams online in 2022 alone, with total losses reaching an astounding $1.3 billion.
To safeguard your future and your heart, you must learn how to tell the difference between a genuine romantic connection and a well-organized scam that uses the military in its schemes.
How Do You Identify a Military Romance Scammer?
Few things are more vile than someone posing as a member of the armed forces in order to defraud people.
Since these army romance scams exist, you have to learn how to identify them.
1. They Have Minimal Online Presence
Operators of a military romance scam frequently try to maintain a minimal online presence while developing a credible persona.
A limited digital footprint makes it more difficult for victims to cross-reference social media profiles or use reverse image searches to confirm a scammer’s identity. The less information about them that’s available on the internet, the lower their chances are of being reported or flagged.
This includes having few or no social media friends and using a newly created profile or profile pictures that look like stock photos.
2. They’re Reluctant to Provide Official Information
It is a significant red flag when someone claims to be in the military but is hesitant to provide official information. Without verifiable details, there is no way you can confirm their supposed identity or service.
If you’re unsure of what questions to ask a military scammer, you can inquire about their full name, rank, and branch of service. Their official military email address, which should end in “.mil”, their current duty station, their military occupational specialty, and a detailed account of their deployment history are also things you can ask about.
Do not hesitate to inquire about these details. If someone is reluctant to divulge official, basic information, you should be extremely skeptical.
3. They’re Unfamiliar with Military Terminology or Procedures
When you ask them about their military service, you should pay close attention to how they respond. If their explanations are ambiguous, contradictory, or even incoherent, that’s a major warning sign.
A military romance scammer's lack of knowledge is evident when they use incorrect ranks or titles, address an enlisted person as "sir" rather than by their rank and last name, misuse military terms or acronyms, or claim to be on a "secret mission" that allows for regular personal communication.
If you notice any discrepancies or something seems strange, quickly look up the appropriate military terms or protocols online to verify.
4. They Profess Strong Feelings Early On
Expressing strong feelings early in an online relationship is another red flag.
Romance scammers aim to quickly establish an emotional bond to lower your defenses, making you more vulnerable to their requests later on.
They will immediately begin using loving terms like "my love," "darling," and "sweetheart”. Even in the first few encounters, they can share sensitive details about their lives, family, or experiences to establish a sense of intimacy.
You have to wonder what their motivation is. Why would someone you have never met in person experience such strong emotions so rapidly?
Most importantly, don’t mirror their intense declarations. Maintain a measured and realistic approach to your responses.
5. They Play On Your Sympathy
Taking advantage of your sympathy is a core scam method in any fraudster’s playbook, including those operating a military romance scam.
They frequently use heartbreaking and intricate narratives to make you want to help them, often resulting in requests for financial assistance.
They can say they’re having difficulties due to deployment or unforeseen costs and legal issues. They can even describe dangerous situations they’re apparently stuck in. They also tend to highlight their sacrifice and service to set a sympathetic tone.
6. They Ask for Money for “Urgent Needs”
The primary goal of these scams is to obtain money.
All the emotional manipulation, the fabricated personas, and the drawn-out online relationship are all intended to lead to this point.
The most common "urgent needs" they cite include medical treatment for themselves or a family member (usually a child), internet access or phone cards to stay in touch with you, processing fees for shore leave or retirement paperwork, or customs fees for valuable items they want to send you.
They also favor methods that are harder to track or reverse, like cryptocurrency, gift cards, and wire transfers.
No matter how convincing their story is, it’s important that you do not send them any money. Once they start asking you for money, you must cease contact immediately and report their profile to the dating platform or social media site where you met them.
7. A “Commanding Officer” Contacts You
This is often part of a complex military romance scam, and it’s a tactic intended to give their requests a sense of authority and legitimacy. If a "commanding officer" contacts you, it is almost certainly part of a scam.
This "commanding officer" will confirm the "service member's" story, frequently using military-sounding language (though often misused or incorrect). They might explain why the military is unable to provide direct assistance in this situation.
A real commanding officer would never ask a civilian for money on behalf of a service member, and they would almost never speak with a civilian directly about the private financial matters of that service member.
Sending money to this individual is not wise at all. We encourage you to report both individuals to the platform you’re using as well as to the appropriate authorities (FTC and FBI).
It is natural to fall in love with someone special, especially if they present themselves as a heroic figure. However, the reality of a military romance scam is anything but heroic.
These manipulators leave financial and emotional destruction in their wake by preying on trust and kindness. By becoming aware of these red flags — whirlwind romances, evasiveness, contradictions, and urgent appeals for money — you become a crucial line of defense.
So take a step back, get guidance from reliable people, and report any suspicious activity if any of these indicators apply to your online encounters.
A well-crafted deception is not what you deserve. You deserve a real connection.
Reference:
Kando-Pineda, C. (2023). Military consumers and romance scams. consumer.ftc.gov. https://consumer.ftc.gov/consumer-alerts/2023/07/military-consumers-and-romance-scams